My Dream School Decoder helps a child show how they feel in different parts of school, so the adults around them can better understand what their behaviour may be communicating. It is designed for children aged 4 to 11, and can also support preverbal children: with an adult’s help, they can point to places and picture cards.

The child rates places on a school map. For places that feel tricky, they choose what they may do, what they might be trying to say and what helps. The Adult view turns this into a shared picture for the team.

The core idea: all behaviour is a form of communication. It is not always a deliberate message; often it is a stress response, or a way of coping when a need is not being met.

• The tip: the behaviour adults see.
• Below the surface: the feelings and unmet needs driving it.
• The water: the context around the child: relationships, routines, the sensory environment and how adults respond. It is not part of the child, and it is the part adults can change.

When the water is rough, any iceberg will rock. So support starts with changing the water, not fixing the child.

Choose a calm time, away from any recent incident, with an adult the child trusts. Sit side by side at the screen rather than across a table. Explain that you want to understand school from their point of view, that there are no right or wrong answers, and that they can skip anything.

You might say: “I’d like to find out what school is like for you, the happy bits and the tricky bits. There are no right or wrong answers.”

1. The child rates each place on the map from 1 (really tricky) to 10 (happy and calm). With younger or preverbal children, point to the colours together and accept a rough rating.
2. Places rated 3 or below appear under “When things feel tricky”.
3. For each tricky place, the child chooses what they may do, what they might be trying to say and what helps. Read the cards aloud; one or two places is plenty for one session.

Nothing is saved. Answers clear when the page is closed or refreshed, so plan to finish each session in one sitting. Everything needed for one conversation is here: the map, exploring places, the iceberg and all the Adult view tabs, including the support plan.

(Saved profiles, printouts, single incidents, daily check-ins and the progress graph are available only in the full offline version.)

With the child

• Can you show me what it’s like for you here?
• What happens just before it starts to feel tricky?
• What helps, even a little?
• You gave this place a 3. What would make it a 4?
• If you could ask a grown-up for one thing, what would it be?

With the team

• What might the child be reaching for, or protecting themselves from?
• Which needs come up across several places?
• What is happening in the water: the environment, the timetable, relationships, and how we respond?
• What is one small step we could take to move this place up one point on the scale?
• How will we know it is helping, and when will we review it together?

• Curious, not corrective. Treat answers as possible explanations to check over time, not as facts.
• Change the water first. Start the support plan with what adults will do differently, then agree any small steps with the child.
• Neuro-affirming. Moving, stimming, seeking or avoiding sensory input, or needing routine are often ways of regulating, not problems to remove.
• Child-led and brief. Explore one or two places per session; the child can point, skip or stop at any time. No name is needed, as nothing is saved. Agree with the child what will be shared. (Saved profiles by initials are available only in the full offline version.)
• Safeguarding. If a concern or disclosure arises, follow your setting’s procedures and speak to your Designated Safeguarding Lead.
• Review together. Re-rate the map after a few weeks to see whether the support is helping. As nothing is saved here, note the key ratings in your usual records before closing the page. (Daily check-ins and a progress graph are available only in the full offline version.)

Behaviour as a form of communication.

A child’s behaviour usually meets a need. They may be reaching for something they need, such as connection, help or a break, or protecting themselves from something that feels too much, such as a demand, sensory overload or embarrassment. Responding to the need, rather than just the behaviour, is more respectful and more likely to help. As Greene’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model puts it, children do well if they can (Greene & Winkler, 2019). Their views should be actively sought, heard and acted on (Lundy, 2007), and the visual map opens up conversations about places and moments that might otherwise be missed.

Feelings point to needs.

Self-determination theory describes three basic psychological needs: competence (feeling able), autonomy (having some choice and control) and relatedness (feeling connected and cared for) (Ryan & Deci, 2020). When these needs are met, children are more motivated, engaged and well; when they are not, we may see disengagement, distress or behaviour that adults find hard to understand. The tool’s seven need areas build on these three, adding felt safety, regulation, predictability and belonging. Naming a feeling, and then the need underneath it, gives adults something they can act on.

Resilience depends on the context, not just the individual.

Resilience is not a fixed trait that some children have and others lack. Ungar (2011) describes it as the result of an environment providing the right resources, in ways that make sense to that child. In iceberg terms, the water matters as much as the iceberg. That is why every exploration ends with what school and adults can change.

Evidence in brief: children’s participation, basic psychological needs and a social-ecological view of resilience are well established in research with children and young people. This tool is informed by these ideas; it is not a formal assessment or a therapy.

My Dream School Decoder helps a child show how they feel in different parts of school, so the adults around them can better understand what their behaviour may be communicating. It is designed for children aged 4 to 11, and can also support preverbal children: with an adult’s help, they can point to places and picture cards.

The child rates places on a school map. For places that feel tricky, they choose what they may do, what they might be trying to say and what helps. The Adult view turns this into a shared picture for the team.

The core idea: all behaviour is a form of communication. It is not always a deliberate message; often it is a stress response, or a way of coping when a need is not being met.

• The tip: the behaviour adults see.
• Below the surface: the feelings and unmet needs driving it.
• The water: the context around the child: relationships, routines, the sensory environment and how adults respond. It is not part of the child, and it is the part adults can change.

When the water is rough, any iceberg will rock. So support starts with changing the water, not fixing the child.

Choose a calm time, away from any recent incident, with an adult the child trusts. Sit side by side at the screen rather than across a table. Explain that you want to understand school from their point of view, that there are no right or wrong answers, and that they can skip anything.

You might say: “I’d like to find out what school is like for you, the happy bits and the tricky bits. There are no right or wrong answers.”

1. The child rates each place on the map from 1 (really tricky) to 10 (happy and calm). With younger or preverbal children, point to the colours together and accept a rough rating.
2. Places rated 3 or below appear under “When things feel tricky”.
3. For each tricky place, the child chooses what they may do, what they might be trying to say and what helps. Read the cards aloud; one or two places is plenty for one session.

Nothing is saved. Answers clear when the page is closed or refreshed, so plan to finish each session in one sitting. Everything needed for one conversation is here: the map, exploring places, the iceberg and all the Adult view tabs, including the support plan.

(Saved profiles, printouts, single incidents, daily check-ins and the progress graph are available only in the full offline version.)

With the child

• Can you show me what it’s like for you here?
• What happens just before it starts to feel tricky?
• What helps, even a little?
• You gave this place a 3. What would make it a 4?
• If you could ask a grown-up for one thing, what would it be?

With the team

• What might the child be reaching for, or protecting themselves from?
• Which needs come up across several places?
• What is happening in the water: the environment, the timetable, relationships, and how we respond?
• What is one small step we could take to move this place up one point on the scale?
• How will we know it is helping, and when will we review it together?

• Curious, not corrective. Treat answers as possible explanations to check over time, not as facts.
• Change the water first. Start the support plan with what adults will do differently, then agree any small steps with the child.
• Neuro-affirming. Moving, stimming, seeking or avoiding sensory input, or needing routine are often ways of regulating, not problems to remove.
• Child-led and brief. Explore one or two places per session; the child can point, skip or stop at any time. No name is needed, as nothing is saved. Agree with the child what will be shared. (Saved profiles by initials are available only in the full offline version.)
• Safeguarding. If a concern or disclosure arises, follow your setting’s procedures and speak to your Designated Safeguarding Lead.
• Review together. Re-rate the map after a few weeks to see whether the support is helping. As nothing is saved here, note the key ratings in your usual records before closing the page. (Daily check-ins and a progress graph are available only in the full offline version.)

Behaviour as a form of communication.

A child’s behaviour usually meets a need. They may be reaching for something they need, such as connection, help or a break, or protecting themselves from something that feels too much, such as a demand, sensory overload or embarrassment. Responding to the need, rather than just the behaviour, is more respectful and more likely to help. As Greene’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model puts it, children do well if they can (Greene & Winkler, 2019). Their views should be actively sought, heard and acted on (Lundy, 2007), and the visual map opens up conversations about places and moments that might otherwise be missed.

Feelings point to needs.

Self-determination theory describes three basic psychological needs: competence (feeling able), autonomy (having some choice and control) and relatedness (feeling connected and cared for) (Ryan & Deci, 2020). When these needs are met, children are more motivated, engaged and well; when they are not, we may see disengagement, distress or behaviour that adults find hard to understand. The tool’s seven need areas build on these three, adding felt safety, regulation, predictability and belonging. Naming a feeling, and then the need underneath it, gives adults something they can act on.

Resilience depends on the context, not just the individual.

Resilience is not a fixed trait that some children have and others lack. Ungar (2011) describes it as the result of an environment providing the right resources, in ways that make sense to that child. In iceberg terms, the water matters as much as the iceberg. That is why every exploration ends with what school and adults can change.

Evidence in brief: children’s participation, basic psychological needs and a social-ecological view of resilience are well established in research with children and young people. This tool is informed by these ideas; it is not a formal assessment or a therapy.